How Toxic Leadership Erodes Confidence and the Smart Ways to Reclaim Control
- A career coach explains how a bad boss can damage confidence, performance and well-being.
- Learn practical strategies to cope, set boundaries, and protect your mental health.
- Explore the key questions to ask before leaving your job or making a career change.
- Get guidance on planning a smart, thoughtful exit instead of reacting emotionally.
Unfortunately, most of us have experienced the phenomenon: a manager whose behavior damages your self-esteem, undermines your performance, affects your mental and physical health, or even makes you question your whole career. These managers aren’t all the same. Some are demeaning or micromanaging. Some have zero regard for work-life balance. Some neglect those who report to them, providing no guidance, support or career development. It’s also far from a rare experience — Gallup reports that only about one-third of U.S. employees are engaged at work, with poor management cited as a leading factor in disengagement.
No matter the type of bad manager, the impacts are almost always devastating. As a career coach with more than 20 years of experience, I’ve met many people who are suffering, across all industries, functions and levels.
If you have a bad boss, or what I call “malignant” manager, you may be pondering what to do. Should you stay and try to tough it out? Should you prepare to make your exit? Is now the time to start your own business or explore franchise ownership?
Following are strategies to try and some questions to ask yourself as you consider your next move.
Strategies to Try If You’re Not Ready to Leave Your Job
For various reasons, you may not be ready or able to leave your job at this moment. Maybe your family needs the stability of your income and benefits, or you’re not yet in a financial position to invest in a franchise opportunity. If this is the case, there are numerous things you can do to try to make your job more tolerable. A few of these include:
- Find allies inside and outside the organization who can bolster your confidence and strength. There’s something powerful about talking to others. Internally, you may discover that you’re not alone and you can give each other ideas and support. When you share with family and friends, you release pent-up stress and gain valuable perspective. These are the people who know what you’ve done in the past and can remind you that you’re not to blame.
- Start capturing your achievements. When you’re feeling pretty low about your qualifications and value (because your manager has damaged your self-perception), it can be enormously helpful to go back and document your big achievements on the job. This effort can be a boost to self-esteem and help prepare you for things like resume updates and job interviews.
- Set boundaries. According to research published by the National Institutes of Health, employees who are able to set and maintain boundaries that align with their needs report higher well-being and less work-life conflict, while a lack of clear boundaries is linked to emotional exhaustion and burnout.
You may have to experiment with the right kinds of boundaries, but they can include taking vital time off, establishing a clear schedule that shows when you need to leave the office on specific days, providing written updates to avoid face-to-face meetings, and/or finding projects that connect you to other teams and managers. - Take care of yourself. Easier said than done sometimes, but when you’re feeling beaten down by your manager, make time for the activities that revitalize you, whether those are exercise, music, meditation, therapy, sleep, cooking or any other go-to solution. You need energy and strength; give yourself those gifts.
Strategies to Try If You Just Have to Leave Your Job
If you’ve reached the point where you’re ready to go, don’t just quit! There are key strategies to implement before you make a move to make the transition as smooth as possible. These could include:
- Make a financial plan. A detailed analysis of your savings, income and expenses can help you gauge how long you/your family can last without your salary and how much of a cushion you have before you’ll feel a real sense of pressure and stress. If you’re considering a franchise or other entrepreneurial venture, you need to factor in what kind of investor support you may have and how long it will take you to start generating revenue.
- Update your LinkedIn profile and resume. These materials can be key tools in helping position you for your next move. Think carefully about what you want and how to show potential readers who you are, what experience and skills you bring to the table, and what value you add. Think about your different audiences, which could be future employers, investors, partners and even customers.
- Reactivate your network. Many of us let our connections languish when we’re busy with our jobs. Now’s the time to rekindle those relationships, which can be extremely helpful for a job search or starting your own enterprise.
- Consider investing in additional learning. Are there any courses that might help you build critical skills for your next job or venture? How long do these take? It may make sense to start them while you’re still employed to minimize the lag between your current job and your next move.
A Few More Questions to Ask Yourself
As the new year gets underway, you may be dreaming of getting out of your bad work environment, and that’s understandable. No one wants to suffer with a malignant manager. As you ponder whether to stay or go and try some of the strategies above, consider a few more questions as well:
- Are you just running away from something terrible, or are you running toward something you really want?
- Are there any other options inside your current organization that might be more palatable than the job you have now?
- Is your family on board with your thinking?
- Have you always had the dream of starting your own business?
It pays to be strategic, data-driven and proactive. You don’t want to leave one bad situation, only to find yourself in a different kind of pain. Whatever you choose, I wish you success in breaking free from your destructive manager as soon as possible.
